Marion Goertz, Marriage and Family Therapist
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Check This Out...

Are there things that hinder your freedom to be healthy, happy and responsive to your own needs? Are there times that you place unrealistic expectations on others to meet your needs for you? To wait for others to rescue us forces us to assume the role of victim. This is unhealthy, inappropriate and unattractive, to say the least!

Healthy People
=
Healthy Self Esteem + Healthy Boundaries
=
Healthy Relationships

Esteem Self Test:

Without a strong sense of who we are we cannot be happy in our own skin; with our femaleness or maleness. If we are not comfortable with who we are, we cannot be successful in relationship with others.
1. I would rather stay home than go to a social event
2. I sometimes overindulge in alcohol, drugs, tobacco, food (t.v., internet)
3. I don’t invest in my appearance so I won’t stand out.
4. I feel it’s important to justify my actions to others.
5. I think a lot about how others are perceiving me.
6. I like a good argument for its own sake.
7. I don’t push myself forward or take risks at work or school.
8. I often feel angry at other people.
9. I find it hard to say no to people.
10. I enjoy telling others about my successes.
(odd #’s: ways you avoid people or situations; even #’s: defenses against low self esteem)

Seven Roots to Boundary Issues in Adulthood:

1. Lack of training in setting limits, in facing consequences for your actions, or in delaying gratification.
2. Rewarded destructiveness: learning that out-of-control behaviour brings relationships.

3. Distortion of legitimate needs. Either I don’t need anyone or I can’t survive alone.
4. Fear of relationships: abrasive remarks, sexist humour and biases keep people away.
5. A deep hunger for love and connection that was not met in the first few years of life.
6. Being raised in a critical, legalistic environment—now you’re rebelling.

7. Covering emotional hurt that came when you were neglected or abused as a child.

Footnotes:
Esteem Self Test
Adapted from McKay, M., Fanning, P., Honeychurch, C., and Sutker, C. (1999). The self esteem companion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Seven Roots...
Adapted from Cloud, H. and Townsend, J. (1995). Boundaries workbook. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing.

 

 

 

Announcing a New Option for Family Care

Family Life Centre

  • Professional counselling services
  • Sliding scale rates
  • Evening and weekend appointments
  • 6 languages spoken: Arabic, Cantonese, English, French, Korean and Mandarin
  • Located on Tyndale University College and Seminary campus
  • Serving clients of all cultures and creeds and all ages and stages

For more information:   wnevers@tyndale.ca        www.tyndale.ca/family-life 

3377 Bayview Avenue
Tyndale University College & Seminary 
Toronto, ON Canada M2M 3S4

Emotional and relational health...your right and your responsibility!

3377 Bayview Avenue
Toronto, ON M2M 3S4
50 Wellington Street East
Aurora, ON L4G 6A7

Phone: (416) 218-6722
Web Site: www.mariongoertz.com E-mail:
mgoertz@rogers.com

 

 

 

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